Chapter 1

Three years into my marriage, I walked into a Swiss immigration office for my residence permit. The officer told me I wasn't his wife.

After we got married, Alistair got recruited by ETH Zurich with a three-hundred-thousand-franc package.

I gave up everything to move from the States to Switzerland with him.

Three years later, I still didn't have so much as a residence permit.

But his research assistant, the one who came over with us, already had her B permit through his sponsorship.

I was furious. I started packing right then and there.

Alistair never lost his cool. That day was the first time I saw his eyes go red.

He took my hands and begged me to stay.

"You have me. I'm not going anywhere. Don't rush this, okay? The permit process is all standard procedure, but my position is sensitive right now. I have to be careful about how things look."

"As for Sienna, she uprooted her whole life to come work for me here. Helping her get settled first is the least I can do as her employer."

My heart softened. I put the suitcase down.

Until the day I decided to handle things myself.

I'd been teaching myself German on the side, slowly, so he wouldn't have to deal with the paperwork on top of everything else.

I walked into the office and handed over our marriage certificate.

The clerk looked at her screen, then back at me.

"Ma'am, our records don't show you as Professor Vance's spouse. You may want to check with your husband."

I couldn't move.

I was never his wife. Not in any way that counted.

So there was no spousal permit. No family reunification. None of it was real.

I packed everything without a word and booked the next flight home.

Some goodbyes were never meant to be said out loud.

...

I got back to the apartment and punched in the code three times. Three times the lock flashed red.

That knocked me out of the fog I'd been in since the clerk's office.

I double-checked. Right apartment.

But the lock wasn't the same one Alistair and I had set up when we first moved in.

I called him.

"What's up?" He picked up right away.

"Why was the lock changed?"

It was fine when I left this morning.

Two seconds of silence.

"Oh, Sienna's lock broke today. She likes the same model as ours and didn't want to wait for a replacement, so I just swapped ours over to her place. The new one's already in, I just haven't set up your code yet."

"Get a hotel tonight. I'm pulling a late one, not coming home."

Sienna's lock broke.

So he gave her ours.

And I was supposed to find a hotel.

I thought I'd misheard him. I opened my mouth.

Nothing came out but "Okay."

What was I supposed to say?

This was our home and Sienna's code was already in the system.

She had her own room here. Alistair had set it up for her when she first got to Zurich.

She was used to our lock. Of course she was.

I hung up.

I found a hotel down the block. A hundred and twenty francs a night.

My card barely went through.

When we first moved to Zurich, Alistair had put me on his bank card. No spending limit.

Then Sienna started handling all his purchases. Clothes, watches, even the thermos on his desk. Everything went through her.

Little by little, the card migrated to her wallet.

Alistair started wiring me three thousand francs a month instead.

He said she was better at it. Better eye, better taste.

She said she was simply doing her job.

I let it go.

Until our third anniversary. Just the two of us, dinner at home, candles lit.

The mood was right. Then the doorbell rang.

Alistair got up to answer.

Sienna was standing in the hallway, slightly breathless, holding out a box of condoms.

"Professor Vance, big night tonight. I grabbed these for you."

She glanced my way and smiled like it was the most natural thing in the world. "You always say this brand is your favorite. Tell me I'm not the best assistant you've ever had."

He took the box with an awkward grunt.

She waved and left.

Door closed.

He walked back to the table and tossed the box down next to the wine.

I stared at it.

I never knew which brand he liked.

We'd been trying for a baby. We never used them.

That dinner felt like sitting through a trial.

He finished eating, said something came up at the department, and grabbed his coat.

The door closed and it finally landed.

An assistant's job can be that thorough.

That night I dreamed about our first year in Zurich.

Me walking out of the airport dragging two oversized suitcases.

Alistair waiting right there at arrivals.

He was still the man who teared up because I'd thrown away my whole career to be with him.

Still the man who took my bags without asking and pulled me close when I could barely stand.

Then Sienna showed up.

He said she'd left everything behind for his work. The least he could do was help.

So he got her a residence permit.

Got her a job at the university.

And eventually got her the lock off my front door.

Next morning, I went to book a flight home.

Standing at the crosswalk, waiting for the light, my phone buzzed.

A friend from back home.