Chapter 4

「Lena, let's talk.」

Harvey set the thermos on the nightstand and twisted off the lid.

Fish congee, plain and light.

It used to be my favorite thing he made.

He moved slowly, holding the spoon out to me.

「Joyce just fell asleep, so I came to check on you.」

I didn't take it.

「Dr. James must be busy.」

His brows drew down.

「I know you're upset, but don't talk to me like that.」

I looked at the bowl of congee.

The fish was sliced thin, the ginger picked out clean.

「Is bringing congee the only reason you came?」

Harvey sat down in the chair by the bed, his voice gentling.

「Transferring you to the other branch was thoughtless of me. If you're not comfortable there, I'll move you back tomorrow.」

A day earlier, that line might have softened me.

But my phone was still open on Joyce's posts.

I asked, : 「And after I move back? You'll keep avoiding Joyce?」

He said nothing.

I gave a small laugh.

「See? You won't even lie to me once.」

Harvey raised a hand and pressed at the space between his brows.

「Joyce has no family here. She saved my life.」

I'd heard this so many times.

Joyce saved him. So when she's scared of the dark he stays with her, when she has a follow-up he watches over it himself.

And I'm supposed to understand, supposed to step aside, supposed to be considerate of that 「bond forged through life and death.」

I said, : 「Then what about our child?」

Harvey's fingers went stiff.

「Lena.」

「It never saved your life, so it didn't matter?」

His face changed.

「Don't say things like that.」

「Then how should I say it?」 I looked up at him. 「That it was just unlucky, that it happened to clash with Joyce's checkup?」

Harvey stood up, his voice dropping lower.

「You're not in a stable state right now. I won't argue with you.」

The moment I open my mouth, I'm not in a stable state.

I pushed back the blanket and got out of bed, the IV stand dragging with a faint rattle.

Harvey reached out to steady me.

I moved away.

His hand hung in the air, then drew back slowly.

「Where are you going?」

「The bathroom.」

「I'll help you.」

「No need.」

I walked slowly, my lower belly heavy and aching.

I'd barely reached the door when Joyce's call came in.

Harvey glanced at it and answered on instinct.

「What is it?」

His tone tightened all at once.

「Don't cry, I'm coming right back.」

He hung up and looked at me.

「Joyce woke up and couldn't find me. She's a little broken up. I'll go back first and come again tomorrow.」

I held on to the door frame.

「Harvey.」

He stopped.

I asked, : 「If I told you I'm in pain right now too, would you stay?」

Something struggled in his eyes.

Brief.

Brief enough to feel imagined.

「The nurse is right outside. Ring the bell.」

He picked up his coat and headed out, and I heard him add one more thing.

「Stop using your body to sulk.」

The room went quiet again.

The bowl of fish congee was still steaming.

I walked over and put the lid back on.

The next morning, the nursing office called.

「Your residency application to Southport — Dr. James says it won't be approved for now.」

I gripped my phone.

「On what grounds?」

「You just had a miscarriage. You're not fit for it physically or mentally, and your marital situation needs to be watched too.」

I closed my eyes for a moment.

「I understand.」

A message came in from Harvey: : 「Let the residency wait for now. Don't do anything rash. Once you're better, I'll take you somewhere to clear your head.」

Clear my head.

He always liked to slap a pretty bandage over a wound. Whether or not it was festering underneath.

That afternoon I went back to the department for my file, and as I reached the door I heard people talking.