She Put Cilantro in My Lunch ,So I Filed for Divorce

I opened my lunchbox at noon and found a pack of cigarettes nestled inside.

A condom.

And cilantro tossed into the stir-fry.

Everything was neatly packed, but a chill crawled down my spine.

First—I don't smoke.

Second, there were always condoms in the nightstand drawer, so there was no reason to slip one into my lunch.

Third, she knew I was allergic to cilantro. How could she possibly put it in my food?

I didn't overthink it. I picked up my phone and called my lawyer. "Draw up a divorce agreement for me."