Payback for the Gold-Digging Vipers

At the wedding, my mother-in-law, the one with dementia, handed me a shaming placard and a filthy shoe.

"A girl who's pregnant before the wedding has to wear this and crawl a few laps on her knees. Otherwise the head of the collective won't let the two of you marry."

"If you want to blame someone, blame yourself for keeping your belt so loose. For the sake of the work credits and the baby, you'd better hang this on and get going."

I knew she was having an episode, so my first instinct was to explain that this wasn't the 1970s anymore.